The Catalyst Discussion - August 2015

Jase, my husband of 19 years, had the day off.  Rare, to say the least. There was so much left to do to get our new master bedroom ready to move into, in order to make available our current bedroom to my mother who had been living with us since December 2014. (How blessed we are that at 76 she can withstand "couch surfing"!) 

As the morning was in motion, Jase casually handed me a magazine article and said, "Here. . .read this and tell me what you think." I took it from his hand as he walked on by and I read the title. Although I cannot currently recall the title verbatim, I clearly remember the topic and general content.  The article was about three sisters who all chose to have some type of stomach reduction surgery.  Not THIS again, I thought.  Since our, then, 13 year old son was around 5 or 6 years old, Jase had often tried to encourage me to tryout for Biggest Loser and, on occasion, brought to my attention the medical successes of Lap Band/Gastric Bypass surgeries, etc. Could he REALLY be bringing this up AGAIN?! 

I left the living room and walked into our bedroom and plopped down in another chair more suitable for the task.  He was sitting on our bed and I could sense that he was apprehensive about having given the article to me.  Surely he recalled the past conversations on the subject and my opinion about it. He spoke up. "I am not suggesting that you HAVE one of these surgeries. Just read it and tell me what you think." Right. SUUURE he is not suggesting. 

Fine. I would read the stinkin' article.

Each of the sisters in the article had different experiences, successes, side effects, and complications. I had to admit, it was interesting to read a few of the "Ah-ha" realizations that one sister had with her relationship with food.  When you aren't physically able consume all of your "comfort foods" when you are in need of comfort. . .what then?! Interesting, I thought. What about when you are scared? Angry? Lost? Frustrated?  The list for ME could go on and on.

"Okay, Jase, I read it.  Now what?" He sat on our bed and the discussion commenced. The initial concerns over my health were familiar.  He was "REALLLLLY worried". Scared that if something drastic wasn't done, he could "lose me early in life," etc., etc. This was not new.  I sat there a bit begrudgingly. I had made it clear on so many other occasions that, first, Biggest Loser was out of the question because when the show first aired, our son had recently been diagnosed with an Autism Spectrum Disorder. Our lives changed dramatically.  What if I auditioned and MADE the cut? There was no WAY that I would leave Bryce and our daughter, Alicia,  who was only around 8 or 9 at the time, to "selfishly go and get skinny again". What kind of mother would that make me?!

Second, I had made it clear in regards to any stomach reduction surgery, that I would consider it under one condition. That Jase find me a single case of someone having had the procedure and THEN having had success as a marathoner or triathlete. He had yet to find anyone at this point.  This isn't to say that they don't exist.  My point to him was simply that I was 47 years old. A former collegiate athlete with a desire to be strong, lean, and athletic again. I have no interest in being thin for thin's sake.

I want to play volleyball with my kids before I die! I want to hike with my sweet friend Sarah through our beautiful canyons of rural Utah without passing out.  I want to return to training for another triathlons with another "gift-from-God" friend, Cindy, whose honesty and genuine truth about her journey with weight and change, humble me. I told Jase that it simply didn't seem logical that if I had one of these types of surgeries, I could consume sufficient calories to sustain the type of training I wished to do. I have a bucket list. I was not ready to dump that bucket and refill it with less physically demanding dreams.  Not yet.

Our discussion, continued for over 2 hours. The battle as to whose opinion was more valid was warm, but tender.  I understood his concerns. Since becoming my mother's full-time caregiver in our home, Jase was witness to my, already medically compromised health, deteriorating even more. Although I wasn't consciously aware of the worsening of my conditions, Jase was.  He works in a hospital laboratory and is very aware of the dangers of obesity.  He sees the results of poor lifestyle choices everyday.  I understood where he was coming from.

"Jase, look, I am planing to trying juicing one more time."  

I juiced for the first time when Alicia was recovering from an ACL replacement surgery when she was 16.  I had just completed another 30 day juice the April prior and learned so much about my body. I did not make the necessary permanent lifestyle choices after the 30 days were over, like I intended. And although I hadn't mentioned anything to anyone, I was getting geared up to tackle a 60 day juice. 

"Please be patient and let me get my brain, our kitchen, and our family ready for that challenge. It won't be easy.  But I have been planning on it for over a month now."

Jase suddenly got quiet. (It's not like either of us to get quiet during a battle of opinions!) He said nothing for quite a while and I stared waiting for his response.

"What if I sent you to Puerto Rico for those 60 days?"

WHAT?! YOUR HIGH!. . .I thought. We are active Latter-day Saints. We don't GET high! So this was concerning.

"Have you lost your mind?", I said. And the barrage of reasons why that would be out of the question began.

Who would take care of my Mom? Cook our family's gluten free food? Find everyone's stuff when they misplace something? Wake Bryce up at 6;30, 6;45, 7;00, 7:05, and then pull his covers off at 7:10 20 minutes before he had to be at the bus stop?!! Get him to volleyball practice 100 miles away twice a week? Who would go ballistic about the mudroom being impenetrable because the dirty clothes (and their hampers) somehow are trying mingle with the 3 foot high stack of unfolded clean clothes piled on the folding table?!  NO one is QUALIFIED to do any of that. Who in their right mind would WANT to?!

Nope. Puerto Rico is NOT an option.

Needless to say, the discussion and counter arguments ensued and we were there in our bedroom for another 30 minutes, bantering back and forth about me going to Puerto Rico or not.  Let me say here that this "discussion" was different from others we have had in the last 19 years.  So often, our competitive natures didn't allow us to have "peaceful disagreements".  But, as Jase presented his case, he was peaceful. Calm. His voice wasn't high pitched.  I actually was a bit queried. He was throwing off our normal groove!

He told me that in his off-and-on research through the years I have struggled so desperately with my weight, he had learned much.  One of his closest friends in our small rural town happens to be one of our three local physicians. They motorbike ride, vacation, and generally pal around when schedules allow.  Since they see each other every working day, they have had many occasions to talk about what buddies talk about. I am sure they have discussed many possible remedies to this challenge, as his wife struggles as I do.

Jase's strongest argument for sending me, was that one of the reasons why Biggest Loser contestants did so well on the show was due to their leaving their normal environment as they re-learned how to live a healthier lifestyle."It would be hard to have you gone so long. But if we put many safeguards in place, we could do it."

Bryce was no longer a struggling 5 year old learning how to express himself so that others could understand what he was trying to tell them. He was a well adjusted 13 year old, soon to be 14. He was mainstreamed into our local middle school getting great grades and participating in extra-curricular activities that he enjoyed and excelled at. 

Our 18 year old daughter was in her first few weeks of college and was already planning on returning home after the end of the semester to take on a full-time job.  She would turn 19 in February and had decided to serve a full-time mission for our church after April 1, 2016. She would be home during the proposed 60 days that would begin the first part of January.  Jase then said our planned vacation to the same Puerto Rico, would stay as scheduled with the three of them joining me after the 60 days. He seemed more clear about how this could possibly happen than I was willing to admit. 

In spite of my interest in this new way of "arguing" about who might be right, I was exhausted.  So I proposed a break.

"Look, Jase. . .I can't see how it would be possible for our home and family to function for 60 days without me here.  ESPECIALLY when it comes to my mom. How in the WORLD would the three of you manage mom and all of her needs as WELL as your own.  I just can't see it."

So I proposed that the two of us take a week or so to pray over the idea; to really think about what would need to happen and if it SHOULD happen.  I asked that neither of us discuss it with anyone, but instead, keep our counsel with Father in Heaven.  We would return at the end of the week to share any answers we each received.